LAUNDRY S.W.A.T.
7 Minute Read
Laundry is tactical. We use SWAT to achieve the objective of quality alone time for us guys and clean laundry for our people.
SWAT stands for
SORT | WASH | ARRANGE | TRIUMPH
Newbie and veteran laundry guys rely on this simple set of rules time and time again. SWAT also relies on tools listed in the Laundry Setup Guide, access that as often as you need it!
SORT
First things first, you’re the laundry guy. Not the ‘gather all the dirty clothes from around the house’ guy. Whatever day you choose to do laundry it’s up to the others in the house to get dirty clothes to the laundry for you to work your magic and yes, if you’re single that might be a confusing conversation to have with yourself.
You want the phrase ‘I’m off to the laundry’ to scream ‘if it’s not in the laundry, it won’t get done!’.
Now that’s clear, let’s move to sorting the stinking pile of potentially hazardous clothing.
Have your laundry baskets handy, ideally four of them.
Check pockets! There can be some nasty shit hiding in these things. No one likes a tissue grenade going off in the wash.
Basket 1: The one for hand washing. This includes knits, jumpers and cardigans. Not sure, read the label, legend.
Basket 2: The one for ‘lights’. Not whites, ‘lights’. This could include the creams, the whites, the off-whites, the ivory’s and the beiges. Grab your white Laundry Guy bag (the one that says, ‘Delicate Light Sh*t Goes In Here’) and add knickers and bras.
Basket 3: This one for dark delicates. If you would NOT put a dark item of clothing into a clothes dryer, it goes in this basket. Think of dark clothes you don’t want to shrink or damage with heat. That’s right, we’re talking garments like activewear, lingerie and your favourite tees. Grab one of your black Laundry Guy bags (the one that says, ‘Delicate Dark Sh*t Goes In Here’) and add knickers and bras.
Basket 4: The one for all other colours. This is basically anything colourful that you’re happy to put through a dryer.
Towels can have their own pile, Same for sheets and pillow cases.
If a dry clean only garment finds its way into the laundry, grip it firmly in hand and return it to its owner with a very clear message before turning in the opposite direction and storming off.
Repeat these words: Are you mad? This is dry clean only!
If you’ve started this on say a Saturday morning, you’re staring down the barrel of 4-6 loads of laundry and that’s awesome because if each load is an hour or more, you’ve just bought yourself a big chunk of time to do important Laundry Guy-related stuff. Like watching movies, checking in on friends, closing out that audiobook, planning that laundry renovation to include that TV and bar fridge.
You could even sneak out for a spot of exercise or a coffee. As far as everyone else is concerned, you’re doing laundry!
WASH
If you live with grubby people, including children, this step might include a stain removal operation or five. Here’s a full, alphabetically-sorted list of tactics to deal with stains.
There is a washing basket order you can use to optimise ‘you time’ and for the laundry to not take too long. This is dependent on how you plan to dry each load but here’s what we do:
- Basket 4 - This has got all the other colours in it. Get that going first so you can get them in the dryer or hung out as soon as possible and start the folding sooner, then
- Basket 3 - Dark delicates
- Basket 2 - Lights
- Basket 1 - Hand washing
ARRANGE
Drying and folding comes under the ‘Arrange’ umbrella,,,and we needed a word starting with ‘A’ to make SWAT work!
So you know those baskets you used for sorting earlier, each of them should be named, one for each person in the house.
There might be some ironing involved but outside of that it’s up to you how you fold. Go full ninja-origami style or just place the clean gear in the basket.
TRIUMPH
The final stage. You’ve washed, dried and folded laundry into each person’s basket. You don’t need to buy anything more. You walk to each person’s room, drop their basket of clear gear at the door, mic drop style and shout on delivery, ‘Laaaundry Guy!’
BOOM! You’re done, brother. Nice one.
Last updated 31 January 2023